(Disclaimer... this a sermon from 2007, the weekend I graduated from seminary)

The Cost And The Kingdom by Arvell Craig

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For some reason, the inner gimmick of choosing not to worry on a targeted area helped me consciously audit my thoughts and refrain from being anxious about money. Both it's scarcity or future consumption.

So just now I remembered that whole event and want to do it again!

I know I'll probably sleepwalk away from the beach and get situated back in my cubicle... But still, I know it'll be worth it.

Wanna join me!?

Dying empty - mean to end ones' life having emptied themselves of all they were to accomplish during their time one earth. The opposite of dying full: taking your dreams and talents, ideas and inventions, songs and books with you to the grave. But, let me clarify this a bit...

Dying empty does not mean to simply live completely focused on accomplishments, success and productivity. It does not mean you speak everything that comes to mind, or that you patent every idea that comes to you while in the shower. Dying empty does not mean you sacrifice people, relationships and every present moment in hopes of some distant future future where you can enjoy life without obligations.

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There are a two different views or rules of life that we can live by. (1). We can sow what we have reaped. Or (2). We can sow what we wish to reap!

I was recently advised to manage my team as to help them "get what they deserve." And that operating by cause and effect is simply being  "fair".  

However, I have a problem with this... I don't think I've been treated fair, so why should I treat others this way??

I spent 6 years in undergrad and failed over 25 classes. In my final semester before graduation, it would have been fair for the computer science teacher to fail me since I truly deserved an F. 

However, he didn't. He gave me mercy and I got a C-. (or something like that). 

Likewise, I've gone through the majority of my life as a slacker; struggling here and there because of my own decisions. And even though I have had to deal with the consequence, I can't say it's been 'fair'.

God has blessed me beyond what I deserve. And I am currently reaping blessings that I can't take credit for. 

Thus, when someone whom slacks or p's me off. How should I treat them? 

As a Christian, I'm called to recognize the grace extended to me and extend the same amount to those around me. I'm called to remember where I came from. Remember how I would be without grace and mercy and forgiveness. I'm called to be grateful and never forget.

I'm never called to be fair. Never called to make judgements. But to make declarations and pronouncements of blessings and compassion in hopes that through goodness received they might make changes for the better.

An internal dialogue on attempting a life of sin management:

"Sin... confes... do better for a while, then sin again. Embarrassment, confess again, ask God to take away the desire, then sin again, confess again, sin again, confess again, shock, more determination to stop sinning, think about it alot, examine it. Make promises, create some boundaries, and sin again, now even worse than before. Despair, anger, shame, distance from God, guilt. Self-condemnation, self-loathing... sin again.

Disillusionment, doubt, self-pity, resentment at God: Why doesn't he hear my prayers? Why doesn't he do something? More anger. Then fear that we allow ourselves to get angry with God. Then real confession, a heartfelt one, and a sense of cleansing. Ah, a new start. Things seem better. Yeah, I've finally got this sin under control. 

Oops, sin again. Desperate efforts, bargains struck. Once-and-for-all healing. Really mean it this time. Sin again. Lose hope, give up, rationalize, minimize, blame, pull away, hide, judge others, put on a mask, go past the sin again, and so on."

[p. 101-102 Trufaced]

Yeah this is a little deep, but it's on my heart...

After hearing about the earthquake and tsunami yesterday I quickly pulled out my Bible to Matthew 24. Had to get a quick refresher in th signs of the end... In one sense I was relieved because Jesus clearly said wars and earthquakes were not the signs of the end. Simple birthpains; but the real deal would be coming later... 

The real deal is persecution. 

But the question came to mind today, what is persection?

In one sense we assume we know. Laws being changed that stop us from preaching, teaching, and reading the Bible. The potential of jail or death for confessing our allegience to Jesus. 

But check this, historically when the church has been persecuted like that, they have grown stronger not weaker. In the scriptures on the end times, it does not say the church grows stronger, but even the so called strong fall away...

So again, what I is persecution? 

I started to ask myself instead, what is the GOAL of persecution? 

It's goal is to make believers fall away. . . 

So what would make believers fall away? What makes believers, even the strong ones begin to change their mind about God? 

In my little experience, I'd say: "Dissappointment". 

To be disappointed that God did not do what we thought he would do. Having dreams unfulfilled, having sin issues unresolved. Having critical concerns that were not answered by God. That to me seems to shake up people's faith more than anything. 

So what if somehow, the enemy could have access to bring this type of persecution. Where all of our praying, fasting, and spiritual exercises seemed to not work. Seeing others who do not follow God being blessed, yet we continue to struggle. Would that make us fall away?

In Hebrews 11, it tells of countless men of God who did not receive answered prayer, or dreams fulfilled in their life time, yet they did never we offended, never gave up on God. 

So now I beleive we see the beginning of birth pains. But the end is not here. 

Are we ready for persections in the form of dissappointment? 

Are we ready to trust God in the most blessed nation on earth even if the blessings seem to pass over our lives?

Is our faith built on earthly satisfaction, or everlasting life?

Selah. 

Today I killed the idea that I need to "preach in a church" or "teach in a Christian school" in order to "minister" and/or impact people directly for purposes of Jesus Christ.

More specifically, I decided to unsubscribe from Regent University email updates about their Divinity School informational meetings and webinars, etc.

But why did I do this, and why is it important?

In short, ever since entering seminary, I've considered pursing and Phd in either systematic theology or church history. (Thus my subscription to Regent's emails.) However, as of now, that idea is dead. And it's dead not by mistake nor because of circumstances; it's dead because I killed it. 

This decision comes after years of thinking and praying. Searching and wondering... Working in business and yet feeling guilty that I wasn't "in ministry"; or that I wasn't "fulfilling God's call on my life."

(Related post: God Money & Gebedo )

So anyway, now I'm convinced and convicted that God is in me most, when I'm in my business. And so right here is my ministry. I need no more theological training to be better equipped to serve people the way God is currently calling me. 

// Side notes and principles:

I believe and I am learning there are various seasons in life. And seasons of study and preparation do not always flow directly as we would assume in relative activity.

Perhaps in between our preparation and production their are completely different intermediate seasons? Not for what we think we should be doing, but for what God wants us to do... From working at Starbucks, raising someone else's child, or living in a foreign town...

Things don't always go the way we plan, even when we have a meticulous prayed though plan... And yet still, somehow, all things work together for God's purposes. 

Selah. 

Comments, responses, Retweets, and "Likes" are always welcome. :)

P.S. Speaking of email subscriptions - please put your email address in the little box over there on the TOP-RIGHT of this page, and these blog post will magically appear in your inbox.  Normally 1 - 2.5 times a month max.

I challenge you to notice the next 5 times you apply faith or prayer to a need or area.

Personally, I am noticing how often I use faith/prayer simply because money is not available. Thus if I had access to money I would not likely need to pray. I would spend the money.

So far I am not judging this - whether its right or wrong, faithless or trusting...

I know of preachers who state faith as "heavens' currency." I don't feel totally comfortable with that statement - but to each his own...

I know God wants us to trust him more than money. But I also know God wants us to work and be faithful stewards - multiplying our efforts/talents, etc.

I also know laziness coupled with a skewed faith spoken in pious speech can be an attractive option as well.

So anyway, I'll just keep trusting God as best I can - asking him to bless my work, and bless me outside my work.

But what is your take on this?

I think I may change the theme of this blog from "Dying Empty" to "God and Money".

In trying to be authentic with what I write, I'm finding the central issues that affect my daily life most often revolve around God and money.

Dying empty is more of a cool phrase, a cliche` even of how I hope to live.

But the reality of my every day is a constant struggle between God and money. How to have more of both without selling out my soul/calling/faith nor denying money and living in hypocritical poverty.

Hypocritical poverty would be denying my family's needs, my wife's desire, and my own dreams. It's acting like I'm not living in a blessed country, in a great time in history, filled with limitless opportunities.

I've got passions and skills in the hottest areas/industries (the internet) and yet I question my time and work ethic because I fear losing what's most valuable.

So anyway, its a process that I need to work thru. I do expect to get revelation of whatever hinders me and walk in God's fullness sooner or later. But for now I'm just venting to you.

Comments are always welcome.

Thanks.

Image source: mofya.sinjela

I use to always ask myself, what IF I were rich, how would I live differently? (Of course I got that from some self-help guru or book).

But now, I'm starting to see flaws in that type of thinking. It assumes that money is the largest obstacle in our lives and with it removed, we will then be able to live to the fullest.

It causes us to put on-hold the things that really matter, assuming there will be no Katrina nor earthquake to get in the way of our plans.

The other day I began asking myself a new question:

What if my natural circumstances don't change, but I simply stopped worrying about the future and I reduced my current level of stress... living now in the peace of God... how would I live differently?

I think we all have questions that we need to ask ourselves. Questions to put us in proper perspective, and keep the main thing the main thing - and the lame things far away from our focus.

So what's your question?